Tamára Lunardo

Author & Editor

Tuesday

28

February 2012

84

COMMENTS

Aw, Hey, Fella

Written by , Posted in faith, life, poetry

Aw, hey, fella–
I heard you were havin’
A real hard time.
All those naughty gals,
Sitting at the front of the bus–
Gosh, how coudja
Turn your eyes away?
So much safer
To just put ’em in the back.

Aw, hey, fella–
Whatcha gonna do
When a pretty lady’s
Not ashamed of what she’s got?
Better let her know
Just what nasty names you’re thinkin’
‘Cause it’s so much easier
Than changing whatcha think.

Aw, hey, fella–
You just can’t help it;
You gents are visual creatures.
And gosh, gee, fella–
We gals are mental creatures.
You really oughta help us out.

Gosh, gee, fella–
You’ve gotta stop
Workin’ that ol’ desk job.
‘Cause it’s a great big tease
When you press those buttons,
And please don’t click that mouse.

Gosh, gee, fella–
I get all bothered
When you use
Those manly tools
‘Cause I feel like you’re just showin’ me
That you can really drill.

Gosh, gee, fella–
Don’t expect us
To control our poor li’l minds.
But aw, hey, fella–
I know you’ll understand
If we make our problem
All your fault.

  • http://www.joyinthisjourney.com Joy @ Joy In This Journey

    you did it.

    love it. i absolutely love it.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Thanks for helping me get there. 😉

  • http://www.goannatree.com Anna

    This.
    poetry and Tamara for the win.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Thanks, Anna!

  • pravinjeya

    This is amazing. Thanks for empathising (at least I think that’s what you’re doing). As I was reading, I was thinking an extra verse (but not as good as yours):

    Gosh, gee, babe –
    We thank the creator
    for doing a good job with you
    and we’re not asking you to hide.
    But Gosh, gee, babe –
    Perhaps you could help us out
    and leave us a surprise.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I’m glad you liked it so much, but I have to confess there’s not much empathy here. The problem is that the men to whom this was directed *do* ask women to hide. They go beyond desiring modesty and turn women’s beauty– and with the Israeli bus segregation, even their very presence– into an evil. And I think it’s pretty clear where the real evil lies.

      • pravinjeya

        Oh. I so completely misinterpretated it. How embarrassing.

  • pravinjeya

    Reblogged this on Not a PhD Thesis.

  • http://www.JanetOberholtzer.com Janet Oberholtzer

    You are brilliant – Love it!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Aw, thanks, Janet!

  • http://www.alise-write.com Alise

    Hellz to the yeah.

    Love, love, love it.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Thanks for the riotous laughter that went into creating it. 🙂

  • http://rasjacobson.com Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson

    You did it! Awesome! I wrote a poem today, too! Cosmic kismet.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Thanks for the help in getting it done, IYKWIM. Love the bared heart in your poem today.

  • sonja lange

    Loved it!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I’m glad, Sonja– thanks!

  • http://exfake.com Bernard Shuford

    I’m obviously a bit stupid because I really don’t get the point here.

    • http://www.alise-write.com Alise

      I think the only thing to get is that we need to hold ourselves responsible for our thought-lives, rather than blaming other people for our own depravity.

      • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

        That’s about it.

    • http://reconcilingviewpoints.wordpress.com reconciling viewpoints

      You’re not stupid, Bernard. You’re just not the kind of guy the post was directed at…. Tamara’s responding to that phenomenom (which she has een subjected to) where guys basically say “my problem with lust is because you’re too hot.” Tamara’s always been quite modest with the pics she shows on her site (even when she’s not exactly timid with her language… ahem) yet she’s had guys ask her to pull pictures because they had issues.

      Like Alise said, guys (and girls) need to be responsible for their own thoughts, not blame the people they lust after….

      Good post, Tamara!

      • http://exfake.com Bernard Shuford

        I’m glad I’m not that kind of guy. Regardless, I don’t guess I really fit into this conversation 🙂

        • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

          I’m glad you’re not too. And I think you fit into conversation wherever it makes you think or question. You know you’re always welcome here.

          • http://exfake.com Bernard Shuford

            Oh, no doubt about the welcome. Thank you 🙂 Some conversations just have “trouble” wrote all over them for me – not because I disagree with you, but because presenting the little tidbits of my perspective that are not affected by whatever Middle Eastern country it was that made women sit in the back of the bus and triggered this post would make me appear to be hating on you or the poem and loving on the evil ones rather than simply being a discussion. Kinda like walking into a bar wearing a T-shirt that says Budweiser is Bad. Everybody else in the bar may hate Bud, too, but they would presume me to be condemning them for drinking and thus throw me out on my head 🙂

            In other words, this is one of those all or nothing conversations where I don’t blame women for a lust problem but I can’t comment on what I feel are legitimate issues without appearing to blame women for a lust problem.

            So.

          • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

            Well, I don’t want to push you too much, but I think you can do exactly that. Of course there are going to be legitimate issues with scantily clad women in Twitter avatars with bios that read, “I love when people watch me f—.” This post is not saying otherwise; it’s saying that when we find ourselves faced with temptation, it’s on us to turn from it. And also, it’s a little bit saying that women just being women really shouldn’t be such a devastating temptation. 🙂

          • http://theunreformed.blogspot.com Matthew Shedd

            I think you are so right here! It isn’t that a level of modesty doesn’t have it’s place in the world, or in the life of a believer. However, for FAR too long men have used modesty as a free pass to indulge in any lust that we want. We have pushed the responsibility for our own sin away from ourselves and onto the objects of our sin (can we call them victims?)

            Ultimately, it is not my job as a man to define modesty for the women around me. It is my job to control my thoughts, see them as God does, and appreciate the truth that women are part of a wonderful and beautiful creation.

          • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

            Yes, and amen!

          • http://exfake.com Bernard Shuford

            See, it really starts being two different issues. It feels like your original thought path is more political than “Christian”. Make sense? When I read your poem, I had NO context of any Israeli bus segregation, and if it were humanly possible for “you” to remove that context from your mind and read it, you might feel my side of the boat rock a little differently.

            There’s a little tendency to overcorrect for the Fundy/Southern Baptist line that women should dress a certain way to help men not lust. It becomes an attitude of “you have no right to deny me my right to flaunt my body.” And I’ve got a problem with BOTH those attitudes. You’re preaching a sermon that can be handled by most 40 year old men, because the testosterone quiets down, etc., but when we start pushing a message that 14 year old girls don’t even have to consider what they wear because it’s really “the boys” that are at fault for public erections and quickened heartbeats at swimming pools, well, we’ve made a mistake, and that’s a very prevalent mentality. I see more and more parents taking a hands off approach to how their daughters dress in publicly mixed environments, and as the father of a 10 year old who is moving more and more into a world where sexual freedom is encouraged and boys are expected to ignore skin even when their body says otherwise, this is not an issue I take lightly. I think there’s a legitimate challenge that I could throw right back at you that there is nothing wrong with beauty and nothing wrong with women, but there IS something terribly wrong when an overcorrecting attitude denies the attractiveness of the female body. Women should never feel guilty for being beautiful, and women should never have to fear the leering eyes and groping hands of men who will not control themselves, nor the discrimination of the government because they are women. But to deny that society is creeping further and further into a situation where styles are more and more sexually provocative. Anybody that denies that is under the famous rock. Yes, I know how to control myself, and most other men do, too, but the issue is not so simple as just saying “look the other way”. One man can’t fix society, and we are surrounded by more and more sexually driven agendas. When I read things that give the impression that ladies simply don’t care and shouldn’t have to care about the overall problem, it’s saddening.

            Flamesuit on. Sorry I can’t just say “Awesome post!” and be done. I’m not that kind of guy. I often tend to say what I really feel even when it’s not popular ;( Thus, I have very few friends, and even fewer people that really like me.

          • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

            I think we agree more than you realize. 🙂

      • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

        I knew you’d be one of the guys who had my back on this. Thanks, friend.

        • http://reconcilingviewpoints.wordpress.com reconciling viewpoints

          No problemo. Red Sox fans need to stick together, right? ;p

          By the way, when I left the initial comment, I totally missed the link to the article about the bus incident in Israel, didn’t realize you were also addressing those events. I hadn’t heard about the woman on the bus being asked to move, but I had heard about the men berating and spitting on a little girl. I was flabbergasted and could hardly believe it.

          Crazy world we live in, huh?

  • http://ironicmom.wordpress.com Leanne Shirtliffe

    Brilliant.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Thanks, babe. I still crack up at all your suggestions, especially male bloggers with good posts. 😀

  • http://leighkramer.com/ HopefulLeigh

    BAM. Well done.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Thanks, Leigh!

  • Gabi

    this is awesome, Mari…
    switching things up, really makes you think…

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Awesome– that was the point! Thank you!

  • http://twitter.com/sarahbessey Sarah Bessey (@sarahbessey)

    Absolutely effing brilliant.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Ah, my soul sister. Thank you. xo

  • http://www.sarahmae.com Sarah Mae

    Hi Tamara, I’m looking forward to meeting you at Killer Tribes. 🙂

    Just a thought, how about linking to article about the bus segregation? It might put this in perspective?

    • http://exfake.com Bernard Shuford

      Yeah, I got no idea what this is about in light of any recent events. See, that’s the “stupid” part.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I thought about doing that but was afraid it would be a distraction, but it does now seem like some context would be helpful so I’ve added it. Unfortunately that’s only one example of a problem that I see everywhere– a problem that, as Dan pointed out above– has affected me directly and to which I really can’t link. But hopefully this will just be the beginning of thoughts and conversations, not the final word.

      I’m looking forward to meeting you too!

      • http://www.somuchshoutingsomuchlaughter.com/ suzannah {so much shouting, so much laughter}

        i think it reads well with or without the link. forcing anyone to the back of the bus–literally or figuratively–is an intentionally degrading power play, and it certainly works as a metaphor, too.

        this is smart, provocative, and a conversation that must be had and handled with so much more grace and nuance than women are typically afforded. neither gender gets enough credit in typical modesty/lust teachings. this is good stuff, lady.

        • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

          Thanks so much, Suzannah. I’m glad for the conversations it’s started.

  • http://theunreformed.blogspot.com Matthew Shedd

    I would love to see a full post about your thoughts on modesty, moral responsibility, etc. You clearly have a passion for the topic, and you articulate yourself quite well.

    Thanks for this.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Thanks, Matt. I’m sure this isn’t the last you’ll hear from me on the topic. 😉

  • http://happyhippierose.wordpress.com happyhippierose

    I love it!

    I’ve been in this recent resurgence of feminism (have you seen trailers for “Miss Representation,” or even better – the whole film yet? they’ve been going around FB/Twitter and I’m more than happy to see this kind of project getting mainstream attention)

    I think that the context for the bus situation is helpful, not distracting. But for me the bus scenario is just a tiny percentage of this sort of emotional blaming that we see and experience all the time.

    To be a pretty lady is a mixed bag. Pretty women are offered many advantages in this life, fair or unfair, it’s just true. There are also a lot of preconceived ideas that come along with a pretty girl…

    Anyways. I just appreciate this. I think what you’ve explained in the comments is very fair, too. There’s a behavior and attitude set that projects a call for attention, a desire for sex, that wants lusty attention.

    And then there are just good looking people, who are also nice or smart (or both) and without wearing a hijab or snowsuit, find themselves a subject of accusation, deflection, and worse. (and the hijab comment is about modesty and being covered up, not a religious statement).

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Yes, the bus situation is only an example of a widespread problem, which is partly why I was afraid linking to it would be a distraction.

      I get accusatory comments from time to time when I do something that I consider tame, like sharing a picture of me wearing an amusing t-shirt. Would I get those accusations if I didn’t have a decent figure? Probably not. And I think that shows the problem of lust is often found more deeply rooted in the eye of the beholder than in the object of lust.

      So am I calling for license to flaunt it all? Of course not. I’m calling for responsibility where so often it’s declined.

      • http://happyhippierose.wordpress.com happyhippierose

        I totally agree with you!

        The bottom line I’m getting out of this = personal responsibility. If we, women, take responsibility for how we present ourselves, then we’ve done our part. When just out and about in a normative fashion – we aren’t inviting or culling leers, gestures, rude/lewd comments. By caring about our appearance we aren’t doing so, either.

        This makes me think about the SlutWalk movement (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SlutWalk). The word “slut” is hurled at all kinds of women for a variety of reasons, but the fact that one of our most casual and hurtful insults is based on the perceived notion of women using their sexuality is not okay with me. Slut is the go-to word when you’re mad at someone, when a women is perceived as bad, mean, unattractive, etc. Whereas men are insulted for being rude or being jerks as a common windfall.

        Could you imagine if every time a guy cut you off in traffic or was rude you called him a sexual predator, or a gigolo. It would be silly, right? Yet, far too often women are incorrectly labeled a “slut.”

        The other thing that I think merits attention is the blame game.

        Blaming the victim is unacceptable. I don’t care what a woman was wearing (or wasn’t wearing) – it’s not okay to blame the victim.

        Tamara, you’re getting be all pumped up! And it’s only 9:15am here, ha! (Hawaii).

  • http://www.theisleofman.net Kevin Haggerty

    So, I’m probably gonna get torched, but I will weigh in, regardless. Let me preface my thought with the following:

    – You know I love you as a friend Tamara. I support you constantly. You were one of the first bloggers who really supported me and my meager little blog. I’ll never forget that. I think you’re awesome, so I hope none of what I say makes you hate me.

    – Men can be scum. I am one, so I know. Regardless of how a woman dresses or acts, some things are never okay. I know that and am not excusing those actions.

    Here’s what I think.

    I think you and really all women just don’t know what it’s like to be a man. I don’t think you could possibly ever really understand the way our dumb brains work. I don’t think you could ever get how easy it is for our minds to wander, to be captivated by the wrong things and to struggle.

    I try my darndest, but I fall every day. I repent for it and try to be better, but it’s constant.

    I have no problem with a woman being proud of how God made her, but if your boobs hang out, guys are gonna look. It doesn’t mean it gives them to touch or to be aggressive. It doesn’t.

    What I’m saying is this: I agree that men can’t make it solely women’s fault when they struggle, but we need to meet in the middle. Maybe I’m just totally misunderstanding you. If I am, I apologize. But if your contention is that women are totally absolved of the blame when a man thinks impure thoughts and said woman is dressed provocatively, I disagree 100% wholeheartedly.

    Just my two cents.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I don’t know what part of this poem suggests to you that I think women ought to dress provocatively. I have four daughters. I have no intention, ever, of letting them dress inappropriately because they are worth more than that, and so are the young men who would look at them and stumble. This is not about that. This is about men refusing their rightful personal responsibility.

      And no, I’m not a man, but you guys don’t have the market cornered on dirty thoughts. I have to do my own work of repentance and mind training. And I refuse to make that the fault of any of God’s precious sons. I am simply asking men to do the same.

      • Anonymous

        Makes sense. I think we are on the same page. Sorry if I’m a little sensitive. It just seems like the feminism I’ve been exposed to recently is more of a “men suck” movement. Some of them do, but I like to think I’m one of the good ones. 🙂

        • http://www.theisleofman.net Kevin Haggerty

          This last post was me btw.

        • http://happyhippierose.wordpress.com happyhippierose

          Genuine feminism should about the equalization and rights of women. The object should not be putting down men.

          As a comparison, much like genuine Christians dislike hearing something like “all Christians are judgmental,” or dislike the use of religion as a weapon for being hateful or mean – real feminists shouldn’t base their arguments and ideals on negating men or emasculation.

          As a feminist, I don’t like the idea that the movement is about “men suck.”

          Watch this trailer: http://vimeo.com/28066212 I think it’ll prove to be really eye-opening for you and can give you some insight into the real feminist movement happening in the US right now.

          • http://happyhippierose.wordpress.com happyhippierose

            PS – that trailer I linked to is probably NSFW, there are clips from music videos, advertising, and reality TV in there.

    • http://happyhippierose.wordpress.com happyhippierose

      I’m gonna have to call this “argument,” absurd.

      This is basically saying that men can’t help themselves? And that as a woman, I don’t know what distraction is like? Temptation?

      All human, by nature, will fall and fall again. In our Christian walks, isn’t this the stuff that defines us? How we cope with sin, how we manage? I feel that temptation to sin is universal, it’s not just a man’s struggle.

      I think that this poem is so speaking to this mentality of the hapless guy who can’t help but think lustful thoughts, who can’t help but go there when he sees an attractive woman.

      I’m sorry but the days of “guys will be guys,” is long over. It’s not an acceptable excuse anymore.

      As for meeting in the middle – I think the grounds to meet in the middle is when a woman IS dressed provocatively, and a man is taking his desire too far. That’s a situation when two parties are to blame.

      But for the average woman, who’s just living her life… there’s no middle to meet in. As a woman, I deserve the right to exist as a nonsexual entity when I’m just going about my business. A trip the grocery store in casual clothing isn’t an invitation to ogle me. It’s not my responsibility to hide from men or stay at home 24/7 because a men’s mind is weak (or will power or whatever incredulous thing you’ve implied).

      (metaphorically speaking:) I can’t keep my keys in my purse all the time because if a man here’s them jingle he’ll drop what he’s doing and lose all morality and focus. Know what I mean? I’m not going to walk around with 100 jingle bells attached to me and demand attention. But sometimes, in order to function, I will inadvertently make a little noise when I pull my keys out of my pocket in order to unlock my car.

      I’m going to go running outside and I will wear running shorts and a tank top. I will wear bathing suits at the beach and sundresses when I’m out running errands. None of these acts are sexual invitations or announcements of my sexuality. They’re acts that are my right to perform, and they’re normal, human, asexual acts.

      If as a man, you can’t so much as see me without thinking dirty thoughts – that IS on you.

      • http://www.theisleofman.net Kevin Haggerty

        You’ve massively misunderstood me, top to bottom. It seems like you read some things that you wanted to read, based on conversations you’ve had with other not-so-well meaning men. 🙁

        I could go through line-by-line and refute points, but I don’t want to argue with you, or argue in general. I was merely voicing a male perspective, not putting anyone down and certainly not looking to have angry words with anyone.

        I agree 100%. Women should have to feel like they have to hide, or that deserve to be ogled. Of course men have to take accountability. I’m sorry my post offended and made you angry. That was not my intent.

        • http://www.theisleofman.net Kevin Haggerty

          Should NOT feel like they have to hide (awful mistype!)

        • http://happyhippierose.wordpress.com happyhippierose

          I guess I did misunderstand you… I’m sorry. I really thought you were trying to defend ADD as a defense for men having dirty minds; that men will be men and that women can never really get where you’re coming from on issues of attraction, lust, idolatry.

          I wasn’t trying to argue – just trying to emphasize that personal responsibility is the approach to tackle these kinds of dilemmas. We all have to be accountable to our own choice, reactions, thought processes.

          • http://www.theisleofman.net Kevin Haggerty

            Sweet. Let’s have a cyber-handshake/hug and call it a day. 🙂

          • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

            I wanna hug you both like a proud mama. xo

          • http://happyhippierose.wordpress.com happyhippierose

            oh for sure! (((HUGS)))

            i think the discussion here was great. i’m glad that there was a mix-up and i misread what you posted, i didn’t want you to be “that guy.” and i don’t want to be the angry bra-burning hippie.

            and seriously, the link i posted goes to an 8 minute trailer for a documentary on American feminism that is really awesome. Just the trailer alone gives a ton of statistics and information about the way the media talks about/depicts women.

            Going along with personal responsibility, I feel motivated to help change the way women are portrayed, and the way women want to portray themselves when they are trolling for (sexual) attention.

    • http://www.sarahmae.com Sarah Mae

      I agree on the “meet in the middle” thing. I love that we should not only be taking personal responsibility (Tamara’s point), but that we should be serving one another authentically, thinking of others before ourselves, the best we can without being absurd.

      You’re clearly one of the “good” ones. 🙂

      • http://www.theisleofman.net Kevin Haggerty

        Thanks Sarah. I love and respect women. I swear. 🙂

  • http://www.inamirrordimly.com ed cyzewski

    I’m honestly not sure how to respond to this poem. I’m more of a non-poetic kind of guy, so it’s hard for me to know if I’m catching the spirit and main ideas.

    However, when we enter into these conversations about gender, etc. I think the problem from the start is that men have had the edge in power in both culture and religion. This is something my wife and I often discuss, so I hope I’m on the right track here. Any time a guy begins to feel like a target or whatever, that’s pretty much not going to fly in a conversation like this where women take way more crap from men. Women have been dumped on by men for far too long to take “victimized” men seriously. There are two sides here, but only until men can admit the unequal power and influence they have exerted can we have conversations that don’t leave women feeling really, really frustrated.

    • http://happyhippierose.wordpress.com happyhippierose

      Amen!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      The spirit is sarcastic; the main idea, personal responsibility. I think you’re hangin’ in just fine. 🙂 The only men targeted here are the ones who refuse responsibility for their thoughts, attitudes, and actions toward women. And for me, *that’s* what doesn’t fly.

  • http://shawnsmucker.com Shawn Smucker

    After reading through the comments, the phrase “living in the tension” comes to mind. We could try to create a situation with zero temptation, but that seems to lead to women walking around in tents, having acid thrown in their faces for being beautiful, or being blamed for being raped. Or we could construct a reality of mindless freedom, where everyone can flaunt whatever they have, but that seems to have led to a country obsessed with pornography and body parts, where sex is used to sell, of all things, web-hosting services and motor oil (yes, I watched the Daytona 500 last night).

    There has to be a middle ground with less blame and more personal responsibility, less thoughtlessness and more grace, less obsession and more sensitivity. It’s a difficult place to find, and it will never be attained, but that’s what living in the tension is all about: a willingness to engage in a conversation regarding a topic for which there is no single solution.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Personal responsibility: that’s exactly what this is about.

  • http://www.popcropolis.net Keith

    I think the “our brains are wired that way” is the biggest load of crap and it’s been whole-heartedly embraced by a lot of christians. It’s a sorry excuse for our stupid behavior.

    • http://www.sarahmae.com Sarah Mae

      Actually Keith, your brains are wired that way. There is plenty of research on it. But I bet you already knew that. 😉

      Agree, still not an excuse to run wild with it. We all have to have self-control.

      • http://www.popcropolis.net Keith

        If that’s the case, I think our culture has rewired our brains that way. You see things presented in a particular bias for long enough and it becomes “normal”

        I feel like too many guys say they are “visual creatures” to excuse their rudeness and perversities because they view it as something uncontrollable. I think the root issue goes much deeper than being “visual creatures.” That mindset compratmentalizes our sin when the real root problem is that we are selfish creatures. We act out of lust for power and fear of losing control. God wants us to act out of selflessness. That paradigm shift is the beginning of the solution, not attempting to reign in our wild, wandering minds.

        I’m not saying I have it all down, or am successful, but in my personal experience, the “crazy brain” theories fail to address the root issue and if anyhting made my experience more difficult and convoluted.

        • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

          I so appreciate your sharing these thoughts, Keith. Thank you.

  • Sarah H.

    A collective thank you to Tamara and the commenters for helping me wrap my head around this really complicated issue. (Especially to the men who ventured out to build the conversation). It is a challenge for me because (a) I’m uber-modest by nature and (b) I have not been exposed to blatant sexism in my personal life, so I have trouble understanding what all the fuss is about on both sides. I am also poetically-challenged, so the ensuing prose conversation helped a lot 🙂 Thanks for getting me thinking about what a big deal this can be, especially as I think about raising my children.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I was looking forward to your comment, Sarah. Thoughtful as always– thanks. And I’m glad this has helped bring to light for you these things that you’ve been fortunate enough not to have experienced firsthand. xo

  • http://amuseorbemused.com JTAdamson

    Met my wife in a bus…in grade school. Makes the bus metaphor too confusing, so I’m staying outta this one!
    😉

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      That’s so cute, JT! Nice to hear a happy bus story. 🙂

  • http://amuseorbemused.com JTAdamson

    Met my wife on a bus…in grade school. Makes the bus metaphor too confusing, so I’m staying outta this one!
    😉

  • Jess

    Came back to see the conversation. Did not disappoint.

    PS modest is hottest. That was our youth group’s motto when I was a kid. Skinny, shrimpy me thought that was juuuust fine.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Yeah, I love all the digging in that happened here!

      Gah, don’t get me started on “modest is hottest.”

  • http://josephmkurtenbach.wordpress.com Joseph M Kurtenbach

    Terrific poem, Tamara — loved it when I first read it, and I think I got its message pretty well even without knowing about the bus incident or any other particular episode that might have inspired it.

    I also became quite involved (mentally/emotionally) reading all the terrific comments. Despite some itty-bitty clashes in the conversations, I get the overall feeling that about all the commenters, both male and female, are pretty much on the same page. And considering (as has already been discussed) that biology and culture tend to make that very difficult with regard to a subject like this, that in itself is pretty amazing and speaks to the goodness of people joined here. I kinda just want to say (not that I expect it to matter to anyone) that I’m proud of y’all. Okay, group hug for anyone who likes that kind of thing. Carry on.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Thanks, Joseph– it’s good to be understood.

      I feel very group huggy about it too. It could have gone badly, but I think that this community shares the same kind of heart beneath all the very different exteriors.

  • http:/sarahaskins.com sarahaskins

    So. freakin. hilarious.

    Something has to change the way we view women’s modesty, and sadly, it won’t happen until we speak up against it.

    So glad I was able to help out a bit.

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  • http://drgtjustwondering.blogspot.com Diana Trautwein

    Oh, honey, I was RAISED with my mother saying things like, “Well, if she were just more modestly dressed, that wouldn’t have happened…” My MOTHER. Love her dearly – but that’s just plain wacko. Blaming the victim ain’t gonna cut it.

    BUT dressing carefully – to be comfortable, attractive and appropriate is also a good thing – for everybody. I will never blame any women who is grabbed, heckled, molested or raped – I don’t care what she’s wearing. But I also hope that women will learn to dress with care – because they are worth it. They are SO worth it. (I will also encourage men I care about to dress the same way. :>)

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