Tamára Lunardo

Author & Editor



April 2013



Cookies & Cleavage: Easter with My Mom

Written by , Posted in humor, life


This is the kind of family I come from: On Good Friday we dress subduedly for service, cry, and meditatively discuss with each other the Stations of the Cross; on Easter Sunday we dress our brightly best for service, jubilantly sing “Christ the Lord is Risen Today,” and feast with extended family. But on Holy Saturday, or Easter Eve, or, perhaps solely in the case of my family, Unholy Saturday, our cups runneth right on over, we go way the hell off-color, and, somehow, we get ready for the next day’s celebration.

And I love my family and my time with them so much, I decided to document this year’s pre-feast festivities with you. Remember/be warned: These are the people whence I came. You’re welcome/I’m sorry.

I’m pretty sure our “beginning break” lasted a good hour and thirteen minutes. We then worked for about ten minutes before ordering pizza. And then we got shit done. But we got it done.

Remember these cookies– they factor largely (inappropriately) into the evening’s events.

Turns out amaretto works quite well as both a baking accompaniment and a device with which to lessen the sting of your mother’s wildly unfounded insults.

Don’t even ask who the amazingly gifted people were that my mom just insulted. It’s too embarrassing that she still holds her music-school-dropout daughter’s talent in such hyperbolic esteem.

While my mom is busy figuring out where in the hell people have hidden from her the elusive last four forks, I am wracking my brain for memories of AP and/or Chicago style and agonizing over whether scotch is capitalized when referring to an alcoholic beverage.

No singer-songwriters, no indie rock. My mom and I just do not understand each other’s musical tastes. (Later in the night I intentionally switch to country, her least favorite genre, and get no amusing irritation in return at all. She has beaten me at my own game. And perhaps accurately categorized me as jackass.)

And if you’re not drinking, now’s the time. My mom’s imagination is about to get very Hannibal Lecter.

We maybe are both beginning to lose our grip a little now because even after this, I leave preparations for the children’s activity to her.

Finally the famed cookies are done, look mostly like when my dad makes them, and smell like an Italian bakery, which is a less-sacrilegious way of saying:

  • http://christiannoob.wordpress.com Frank Olvera (aka “The Christian Noob”)

    “Mom, Grammie, great aunt, cousin & I are supposed to be cleaning & baking for Easter. So far, we’ve begun with a cocktail break.
    — Tamára Lunardo (@tamaraoutloud) March 30, 2013”

    Sweet, that’s the proper way to start any task — having a drink first.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamára

      Exactly. I was properly raised.

  • Anonymous

    Both sets of cookies look good.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamára

      Ha! I don’t know if it will relieve everyone or make them even more worried for our family to know that my uncle said that. 😛

      • http://roadkillsrus.wordpress.com roadkillsrus

        Bwahahahaha! I love your whole family.

  • http://www.transformingwords.org/wordpress Don Sartain

    You had me cracking up all night on Saturday, lol

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamára

      I swear. I need to start an account just to follow my mom around with for quotes.

  • http://ironicmom.wordpress.com Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom)

    I can’t believe I missed most of the tweets/treats. Awesome. Not unlike how my family cooks together…

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamára

      I can only imagine how delightful a Shirtliffe family gathering would be. Not to mention all the cookies, and by that I mean “cleavage.” 😉

  • Justin

    Wish we were there!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamára

      Me too, me too! Miss you guys a lot. xoxo

  • Justin

    Wish I could have been there.

  • http://dianatrautwein.com Diana Trautwein

    This is hysterical – love all the cookies and you, too. And that pic of you and your gorgeous mom?? To die for. SO happy to see lovely you with that lovely smile from ear to ear. Blessed Eastertide to you all.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamára

      Thank you! She is so beautiful, isn’t she? Love my mama.

  • Mom

    We had a wonderful time and lots of laughs! Please note, y’all, the classy third position in which we are standing in the picture. If that doesn’t make up for some of the bawdiness we indulged in, I don’t know what does! And Justin – we missed you guys too!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamára

      You know what, Mom? You really taught me the art of classy-when-it-counts. And that all bets are off when it doesn’t. 😀

  • http://www.leighkramer.com hopefulleigh

    I only caught a few of these the other night! You crack me up.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamára

      I’m so glad I documented it all– I’d never have remembered all these ridiculous details the next day. Ha!

  • http://twitter.com/reneeronika Renee Ronika! (@reneeronika)

    Nice cookies, jackass.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamára

      Touché. 😉

  • Sarah H.

    You two are a hilarious team! Here I was, wishing you were here for Easter…little did I know what you would have missed!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamára

      Yes! Going home for holidays is the best. 🙂

  • dan mcm

    So much fun! Couple things jump out at me (no, not the cookies & cleavage): I cracked up when your mom was looking for forks and you wee trying to figure out whether to capitalize scotch. “Same planet, different worlds.”

    The other thing that jumped out at me — look at your timestamps on your twitter pics: it looks like you two sat up all night drinking and making cookies! The stamp is off by 3 or 4 hours right? Set to Greenwich standard or something…. If you were up drinking until after 5am on Easter Sunday, you both must have resurrected with Jesus to look as good as you did in the pic at the top of the page! 😉

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamára

      Haha! I noticed the funky time stamps too– we were up late, but not that late!

  • http://roadkillsrus.wordpress.com roadkillsrus

    Wait… did you change clothes just to take the last pic?

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamára

      No! The top pic is us all cleaned up on Easter day; the bottom one is us in our grubby clothes for making preparations Saturday night.

      • http://roadkillsrus.wordpress.com roadkillsrus

        I was kidding. The different clothing just, um, stood out.

  • http://asoulswalk.wordpress.com Soul Walker

    That was pretty funny… and a little cute. Cheers.

  • http://unpaintedwithout.wordpress.com chipiwa maziva

    loved it!

  • http://throughgrayeyes.wordpress.com Through Gray Eyes

    LOL Oh man, reminds me of Christmas with my family, albeit with only four family members instead of 28. But there is bourbon involved, and a lot of laughing.

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