Tamára Lunardo

Author & Editor



January 2012



Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Pregnant

Written by , Posted in humor

Every so often I share on Twitter or Facebook the ridiculous/hilarious/wildly inappropriate search terms people use that land them at TOL, and sometimes I even take a stab at answering the inquiries. But I’ve got a lot to do right now, so today I thought I’d just let the search terms talk among themselves:

what’s tamara up to? harvard porn for women sexy men folding laundry.

if i say it out loud in faith will she marry me? nerds are cool and make good husbands.

i want to start running for exercise, will that be a sin? check out tamara’s ass. (zumba littlemore tamara.)

“how to go without meat for 30 days,” “giving someone a pickle,” “ff’ing on twitter,” frequently freshly pressed”: how to say something with a double meaning.

as a woman have you ever cried at the thought of taking an enema? constipated shitting skye. (how loud is that shit in rl?)

what words can i swap out for curse words in a book? grab tamara; teach tamara.

hot hipster, drunk without a condom– is tamara pregnant? baby shower hipster!

are you a good whore quiz: loud boobs, hot stuff sign, loud sheets, callgirl glasses.

we hate tamara. won’t somebody sexy tell on her?


If you have a site with search terms, what good ones have you had lately?

Also, I’m not pregnant.

Why do you hate me?

Thanks to Chad, Christian, John, Marie, Mike, and Preston for brainstorming with me!

  • Anonymous


    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Glad you enjoyed it.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o08IcEcXwAA Andrew

    Hilarious! love the enema bit.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I can just hear someone muttering to himself, “Constipated shitting sky!”

  • http://www.lifebeforethebucket.com Adrian W.

    Ha. Well, I don’t turn up often in search engines. For about a week, I kept getting hits on “I wasn’t raptured.” More often than not, though, I get people searching “I’m a terrible Christian.” Oh the things we confess to our search engines…

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      So true! I get all the dirty confessions, evidently.

  • Christian

    Much better

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Couldn’t have done it without you guys getting the ideas going. (Like an enema?)

  • http://www.theisleofman.net Kevin Haggerty

    I think my current fav search term is: “gag pregnancy tests.” It brings to me things that are only awful.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      That sounds awful!

    • http://ramblingbarba.com Ken Hagerman(The Barba)

      How accurate is that?

  • http://gravatar.com/throughgrayeyes Through Gray Eyes

    I don’t even know how to react. This is so hilarious. I didn’t know that blogs could catch search terms, much less link what someone is searching for (enema) to a blog (zumba?).


    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      It is outta control.

  • http://www.christopherames.com christopherames

    ‘elvis’ head on jesus’ body’… ‘yep, you need reading glasses’… ‘deviantart anime face maker’… ‘months that it rained in 2008 in california’… based on these search terms, nit sure what that says about me or my blog!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Clearly you are diversified!

  • http://guidetowomen.wordpress.com Sharideth Smith

    love fart
    twitter bird hole
    this relationship is going to kill me
    female maustabation guide (my response – you’re already doing it wrong)
    chastity belt ladies
    red flags choke dating

    i’ve got a million of them. those were just from the last couple of days.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      “You’re already doing it wrong.” Hahahahaha!

  • http://theadventuresofgabriella.blogspot.com gabriella

    wow. these are ridiculous.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Welcome to my world. 🙂

  • http://amuseorbemused.com JT Adamson

    So far, the search terms I get are much more PG than y’all.
    I wrote a post comparing a 6th grade band concert to a set of Giant Bagpipes. I’ve had multiple hits from people searching Giant Bagpipe. Really? Who is looking for a Giant Bagpipe? (a Giant Scotsman?)

    Also, I invented a fictitious medical term: vitriol fibrillation. I get multiple searches for that. (It’s heart stopping madness)

  • http://sixringcircusdotcom.wordpress.com Annie

    so funny!
    Yesterday I had three search terms in a row that seemed so strange listed together: armpit hair, sweaty granny, kicking balls.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      That is a vivid image. *snort!*

  • http://asoulswalk.wordpress.com asoulwalker

    Those are just hilarious.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      It’s never dull on my search page. 🙂

  • http://www.the-lifeartist.com Erika Morrison

    My recent favorite search on my blog was “white boys cock”. I was laughing for days every time I thought of it.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Dirty blog you’re running there, gal.


    • http://www.joyinthisjourney.com Joy @ Joy In This Journey

      *tears of laughter* oh my word. I’m going to be laughing for days myself!

  • http://evenagirllikeme.blogspot.com/ Joy

    Here are my two best ones. They are not as good as yours, but still left me thinking, “Huh?”

    “stranger in my own skin” “what does it mean”
    “guy giving homeless girl”

    Hmmm…giving homeless girl what?

    Thanks for the laugh!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I think Erika’s search term has the answer. 😉

  • http://jessicaminghinelli.wordpress.com jessica minghinelli

    Ahaha! this is hilarious, I often laugh at my search terms, they’re far too often scarily connected to sex activities.
    Checking my dashboard today I find “encrypted_search_terms”.. not sure whether someone was trying to find a way to encrypt their search terms or if these are really encrypted! 😀

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I’ve been getting some of those lately– no fun!

      • http://jessicaminghinelli.wordpress.com jessica minghinelli

        Nope, no fun, not as much as “Steps for blowjobs”. I swear I’ve never written about how to give a blowjob!

        • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

          Suuuuure. 😉

  • http://www.joyinthisjourney.com Joy @ Joy In This Journey

    By far the most frequent awful search term leading to my blog is “brother sex” and its variants such as “sex with my son.”

    I get quite a few hits for “poop stories” and “epic poop stories.” And “feminine pads for potty training.” And Mark Driscoll. Related?

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I get “brother sex” a lot too. AS A SEARCH TERM. I bet we both get it because of the guest post I did for you. Oops. 🙂

  • http://gravatar.com/mardukimpey M!ke

    Probably my favorite terms from my own blog are “essay on pizza and pizza rolls” (which is more humorous: that somebody was searching in the first place or that they found what they were looking for on my blog?) and “what does call of god mean michael bennett” (if I knew that I’d probably be writing books, not blog posts). Close third: “ars moriendi фанфик гарри поттер.”

    • http://jessicaminghinelli.wordpress.com jessica minghinelli

      Russian people apparently think Harry Potter is hiding somewhere in your blog! 😀

      • http://gravatar.com/mardukimpey M!ke

        Haha that’s awesome! I didn’t even think to translate it. There is in fact an essay on Harry Potter although how anyone in Russia would know about my blog is ridiculous to me in the first place.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I cannot believe you have an essay on pizza and pizza rolls and failed to show it to me.

      • http://gravatar.com/mardukimpey M!ke

        Ask and ye shall receive http://www.wildmikebennett.com/blog/?p=747 I wrote it way way back before I got into Twitter on my old blog and reposted it in the middle of a move so it probably got swept under the rug pretty quick.

  • http://newwinner.wordpress.com Sparrow in the Tree Top

    Sinful running?! Or maybe they meant running from sin? Or wait… Maybe there’s not a difference! Ha!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      That one was so sweetly innocent, especially in light of some of the crazy stuff I get. I wanted to tell the searcher that I was pretty sure (s)he was in the clear!

  • http://happyhippierose.wordpress.com happyhippierose

    I recently made a post about this… recently I had a few hits for “hippie porn” and then “free hippie porn.”

    I guess saving money IS important in this economy! hahahahah.

    I cannot believe some of the crazy stuff people type to get to all of our blogs. Amazing!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Makes sense, I guess. I mean, the hippies invented “free love…”

  • http://happyhippierose.wordpress.com happyhippierose

    Well. And if you’re gonna do something, might as well do it well. So I applaud those searching a quiz to make sure they’re the best (whore) there is.

    This is so funny!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I know. I really hope the search term answers I provided helped them out.

  • http://mandiemariebee.wordpress.com Mandie Marie

    The majority of my search terms are about facial hair (I did a series on hair…it was popular).

    Although today I have “mare smear poo” which is new!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Wow. That is a whole new level, Amanda.

  • http://ramblingbarba.com Ken Hagerman(The Barba)

    I see a theme forming and I had nothing to do with it. Search that lead to my blog-

    my wife is pregnantand i think i have anxiety o fear.

    Yep. I cover that type of thing ALL. The. Time.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Oh no, poor guy!

  • http://deuceology.wordpress.com Larry The Deuce

    Sisters having sex got someone to mine recently

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      That is supremely disgusting. (Congratulations?)

  • http://welcometothelaundromat.blogspot.com/ Christina Shumway

    Wow! You have some good ones!! My ultimate favorite is “nude county fair queen”. : ) I have no words for the person who was searching for that.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      You mean you didn’t post your nude county fair pics? Some queen you are. Pssh.

  • http://scream911.wordpress.com youhavemyword

    TOO FUNNY! 😀 But I clearly need to write more ridiculously.

    Here are some of mine:
    Burger chopsticks (what the heck are those?).
    Kiss de biscuit (whatever the hell that means).
    I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient’s friends (quite true).
    Why apple is better than windows (because it is)
    Buku Sumpit (I’m clearly missing something here).
    I’ve been abducted by aliens (unfortunate, but at least they use Google too).
    Beeg air hostess (super-sized much?).

  • http://communicatingacrossboundaries.wordpress.com Marilyn

    Loved this! I’ve got a couple of good ones:
    Red heads can’t deliver sperm
    Unpredictable Sister in law
    What kind of bra does Lois wear on smallville? (I did a popular post on the blue bra incident in Egypt)

  • http://amillionpointsofgrace.wordpress.com meicemen

    Best one’s I have had so far are “Do Muslims Tebow” and “In America You Are Not Required to Feed the Hungry”.

  • http://www.goannatree.com Anna

    I’ll have to check again. mine are never this obtuse!

© 2018 Copyright.