Tamára Lunardo

Author & Editor



November 2011



Don’t Say Anything If __

Written by , Posted in humor, life

Whether owing to some seasonal allergy or to the change in weather, it was clear that my sinuses had bested me. By midday Saturday my voice was rapidly wearing out; by early evening it was nearly gone.

And while it’s never convenient for a mother to lose her voice, in this instance the threat was particularly untimely: I was supposed to help lead the singing in our church service the next morning. So I went into emergency mode to conserve what was left, making various clicks, snaps, and claps at my family members to get their attention, writing messages on a white board, and whispering when I absolutely had to speak. The children were immensely amused.

And then their father added to the merriment with his devilish wit: “Tamara, don’t say anything if you want to give me a foot rub.”

The children took notice as I shook my head in amused silence.


“Tamara, don’t say anything if you want to watch The Walking Dead.”

The children listened as I blew a raspberry in their father’s direction.

“Tamara, don’t say anything if you want me to eat all the Twixes and Kit Kats.”

The children watched as my face contorted in alarm. And they got it.

And so for the rest of the evening, we played this new “game,” filled with offers for me to buy X-Box 360s and opportunities to lavish extra treats upon them until my seven-year-old upped the ante as only she can:

But I kept my vow of silence, all the while doling out nary an extortion payment. It paid off the next morning, but after church, my voice was about spent.

Not only that, but I was exhausted from the early morning and my sinus nonsense– the last thing I needed was the clamor of five children running/fighting/screaming/belting patriotic music for school play practice around the house.

And then I recalled that, the evening before, every time I had to speak in a whisper, it had the unintended but rather lovely effect of causing my children to mimic me.  And I thought, “I can play this game too.”

Tamara, don’t say anything if you have your voice back.


Give me your best “Don’t say anything if __.”

I promise I won’t say anything. (But I might type it.)

  • http://thisgalsjourney.wordpress.com Jennifer

    Don’t say anything if you want to come watch my 3 kids, including a precocious 1st grader and teething 1 year old for the weekend so I can get away with my man. What, who is he again??

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I don’t know, a babysitting gig in Ireland isn’t the worst thing I can think of. Hope you get some time with your husband soon!

  • http://www.alise-write.com Alise

    Don’t say anything if it’s okay for me to cook an entire pound of bacon, put it between two pieces of toast and call it a “sandwich.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1553906570 Karen Moret Harrison


    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Don’t say anything if you want me to come help eat it.

  • Wendi

    Don’t say anything, at all, if it’s okay for me to hire an entire team of Molly Maids to come clean my kitchen. Somebody needs to clean it.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Not a peep. In fact, don’t say anything, either– just send ’em over when they’re done.

      • Wendi

        Will do!

  • http:/sarahaskins.com sarahaskins

    Don’t say anything if it’s okay for me to hire a butler, ditch all mothering duties, and have a spa day whilst the butler like you never says anything.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Hahahaha! I like the idea of the butler with voice loss.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1553906570 Karen Moret Harrison

    You won’t watch “The Walking Dead” with your husband?? No one in my house will watch it with me either.

    Don’t say anything if you love zombies.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Well now I *have* to say something! I just don’t get the zombie thing.

      I’m so sorry. Please don’t eat my brains.

  • http://deuceology.wordpress.com LarryTheDeuce

    Don’t say anything if you’re still worried about my blog post tomorrow. 🙂

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Ha! Eagerly anticipating it. Mostly.

  • http://rexandrushia.wordpress.com Rex & Rushia

    Don’t say anything if we should all be checking out this blog post by LarryTheDuece. (even if I have no idea who he is or what it’s about, sorry, it sounds interesting if it worries you. 🙂 While new here, you don’t seem to type to shirk many things and I love that about you already.)

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Aw, thanks and welcome!

      And I won’t say anything if I think you fell into Larry’s sneaky little trap. 😉

  • http://drgtjustwondering.blogspot.com Diana Trautwein

    Pure brilliance. Wish I’d thought about it during my repeated bouts with laryngitis while my kids were school-aged. Funny thing, that hasn’t happened since. :>)

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Ha! I wonder why not. 😉

  • http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/ Kristin T. (@kt_writes)

    Fun! I love it when some unexpected bit of life puts a wrench in the regular and makes everyone see things differently.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Yeah, it was pretty fun– for a day. 😉

  • http://rasjacobson.com Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson

    Don’t say anything if you are the bloggiest blogger I know.

    Yeah, you know you are.

    Don’cha. 😉

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I really *don’t* know what to say– I’ve never thought of myself as “bloggiest.” But if you say so. 😀

  • http://gravatar.com/hagermank Ken Hagermank

    Don’t sat anything if you would like to pay for a new motor in my car, and my truck, Yeah, both at the same time.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Ugh, that’s rough! So sorry to hear it! We had problems with both cars in the same week recently– it pretty much screwed our finances for the foreseeable future. I guess it’ll force us to prioritize, save, and spend extra carefully.

      Don’t say anything if you’re trying hard to find a silver lining. 😛

  • http://messiahmom.wordpress.com kristinherdy

    Don’t say anything if you’d like to guest post on my new blog. I’m sure, given the samples here, that your kids say as many crazy, hilarious, outlandish things as mine do, and would make for great messy paradise material. 😀

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I didn’t know you had a new project, Kristin– fun!

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