Sometimes I think it’s just a matter of time before everyone realizes I’m a total fraud. I know I have a good show going on where I look like a decent mom, a semi-intelligent writer, and at least a passable Christian, but I live in fear that one day someone is going to see the real, fake me. It’ll be like when I figured out the Tooth Fairy was a sham and all at once Santa and the Easter Bunny came crashing down with her. The fallout was ugly. So let’s just nip it in the bud, shall we?
I am not Supermom, not by any stretch, and when someone says that I am it just perpetuates the lie for both of us. Guess what? I yell at my kids, sometimes with swear words. I ignore them when I have something more interesting to do. I literally pray that they will turn out to be better parents than I am.
And my writing? Do I come up with all my fascinating ideas myself? No. I steal and tweak, steal and tweak. I have probably never had an original thought in my entire life. I just know how to package it in different words. They weren’t kidding when they said there was nothing new under the sun.
And the worst one, that I’m a true, devout Christian? Yeah, right. Here we go.
Evidence I’m not a real Christian:
1. I act like I’m the very most important person in the whole wide world.
2. I treat things of little consequence– like how many hits this post will get! or how many “likes” my Facebook page has! or how saggy my boobs are getting!– with the attentive care of a mother toward her newborn.
3. I have been known to say inappropriate things at inappropriate times in inappropriate places.
4. I sometimes often go to church for every reason but the right one, including to show off my cute new outfit. (Sorry, Jesus, but I have a yellow sundress to rock.)
5. I get so insulted when people don’t show me the respect/attention/love I think I deserve that I completely forget to give them any, either.
6. I purposefully find reasons to hate certain people, especially if they’re skinnier than me.
7. I make my husband rewind the soccer game so I can get a better look at Cristiano Ronaldo.
8. I would rather click in circles online than do the work I’m supposed to do.
9. I am frighteningly good at manipulating situations people to my advantage.
10. I have the ability to look right past my overflowing blessings and focus on everyone else’s instead.
So yeah, I’m a fake at everything, but there’s some good news for me, and for you, if you’re ever anything like me: None of it counts. I could add to that list of ten all day until it was 10 million, and it wouldn’t even begin to hold up to the one piece of evidence that matters. Jesus died for me, and He gave me the tiniest little seed of faith to believe it. And that’s what’s real.