Tamára Lunardo

Author & Editor



March 2010



God Loves You, Fatass

Written by , Posted in Uncategorized

For the past several days I have been engaged in a rigorous battle for my self-esteem with Facebook Ads. Apparently they cull the information on your profile and posts in order to tailor ads to your interests. This may be well and good for people like my dance teacher mother, who takes ads for yoga and pilates at face-value: they know she dances, they suggest she stretch, no harm done. But for people like me, (i.e., people who, despite their firm belief in a take-you-as-you-are type God, have serious body– and perhaps mental– issues) this has potential to become wildly insulting.

Monday, 7:23 p.m.: A Facebook ad is informing me that moms who make less than $55k have the option to remove more than half. Of what, it does not say. I think I will exercise my option to remove more than half of my fat ass. Does that work, Facebook ad?

Monday, 10:28 p.m.: Apparently the Facebook ads have now picked up on my ass-size dilemma. They are currently suggesting I do Workout for Moms. Leave me alone, Facebook! Leave me alone!

Tuesday, 10:48 p.m.: Alright, that’s it– Facebook is officially out to get me. It’s now taunting me, “Don’t be SCARED of getting OLD.” Screw you, Facebook. Didn’t anyone tell you 30 is the new 20? Pfft.

Tuesday, 11:01 p.m.: Now Facebook is asking me if a “relaxing vacation” to the Bahamas is on my “horizon.” Well, no, Facebook, not now that you’ve convinced me I’m an old fatass. But thanks for asking.

Wednesday, 8:55 a.m.: Ok, Facebook, I forgive you. It just kissed and made up with an ad suggesting I might be an author. A “Mad Author,” mind you, but an author nonetheless. Flattery will get you everywhere.

So this tells me two things. First, marketing has become frighteningly Big Brotheresque. Second, I have a teensy-weensy problem with vanity. I suppose this second revelation shouldn’t really come as a surprise to a person who changes her shirt three times before going to the gym, but there you have it.

And I have to wonder, if I really trust that God loves and accepts me in all my ugliness, then how can I get so bent out of shape by a pudgy chin? Why does stupid shit matter to me so much?

This is the best I can come up with: He’s not done.

Jesus finished his work on the cross, but there’s still a hell of a lot going on in me, going on in this world. I trust him when he says we’ll get there, when he promises that one day it’s going to be All Right. But in the meantime, there will be war. There will be literal war in certain parts of the world, and there will be many miniwars in certain parts of my soul.

I don’t like it, but that’s the way it is. So although I wish you wouldn’t, Facebook, I guess you can go ahead and keep on bringing it. Because you might be winning the battles, but I have an awesome Big Brother who’s going to win the war.

  • http://theharmonycollection.blogspot.com/ Laurie

    Great!! Another great blog post 🙂

  • http://tamaraoutloud.wordpress.com Tamara

    Thank you, Laurie!

  • Julia Lunardo

    “You’re a masterpiece that all creation quietly applauds; and you’re covered with the fingerprints of God.” (Steven Curtis Chapman)

    So yes, you are precious and loved… adorable chin, lovely ass and all…. and your “Big Brother” holds you in His holy, scarred hand.

    Love, Mum

  • http://rbjennings.wordpress.com rbjennings

    At least you go to the gym! That puts you ahead of me, Girl. I was 30-something a long time ago and now my body is fighting gravity and sorely losing. All of me is going South. All I can say is thank God for big shirts and foundation garments (never thought I’d say that). Thanks for the laughter. Becca. (rbjennings.wordpress.com)

    • http://tamaraoutloud.wordpress.com Tamara

      I hear you. By all rights, I ought to own a pair of Spanx. Sigh.

  • Carrie

    As you know, I’ve been on quite the life-long quest for spiritual peace, too, and I’ve made some tremendous breakthroughs in the last couple of years. 30 is definitely the new 20…I so agree with you there! And, thank God, because I haven’t even begun to start my family yet!….Well, not in the physical sense anyway. However, I have been clearly defining my desires, which God can answer now that I have figured out what the heck I want in my life! 🙂 For being considered by so many as being so “strong and intelligent” all my life, I sure took a long time to figure out that what I desire most for myself and my future husband is simply peace and joy. Hmmm…

    I could go into so many details about what I have learned over the past couple of years that turn such a simple statement into an epiphany. Basically, it’s everything everyone has always told us, in love, throughout our lives. Some of those simple quips are taken far too lightly!

    We are completely in control of our own joy. Nobody else has the power to interfere with it unless we allow them to. I now understand that concept to its absolute fullest extent….hmmm….well, I am also aware that every understanding we have is always expanding, so I take that back…partially. (But how exciting to realize it only gets better and better and better and BETTER from where we are now, if we are choosing.)

    God cannot give us what we are asking if we are choosing to look at something different than what we have asked for. When we focus on receiving the feeling of what we have asked for, picturing it and being grateful for it already happening, then we are able to see it when it appears in our experience. It is really that simple. Relax, Trust, and Expect, knowing that your desires are birthed in love and nestled in loving hands.

    We have expectations! Of course we do! We are magnificent children of God! If we have expectations, then we should be actively expecting them. It is not selfish. It is allowing ourselves to be loved with the Love of our Father (or however we perceive higher power). We are the only thing that ever holds us back from receiving our blessings….ever. Now that’s a stretch, but I now understand that it is completely true.

    Life is amazing and I am so grateful for friends like you who have helped me form my beliefs about the world, God, and my place in it all. The doors of my life have only recently opened…30 is a GREAT place to be!!!

    I love you, Lady…and ALWAYS have!!!!
    🙂 Carrie

    P.S.–You are so beautiful, and that is a belief that you KNOW your Father wants you to embrace fully. It is only when we love ourselves completely that we can be of utmost service and value to all of those whom we love. You’re an amazing woman, Tamara!!!!!!

© 2018 Copyright.