Tamára Lunardo

Author & Editor



October 2011



Grab Somebody Sexy, Tell ‘Em What?!

Written by , Posted in humor, life

Thanks to the premature and highly inconvenient demise of my car’s CD player, coupled with my inability to drive without a soundtrack,  I’ve been forced to listen to the radio lately. This has resulted in repeated brain pukes as well as frequent outbursts of exasperation. (One of my two-year olds recently announced, “I don’t like this song!” and her twin demanded, “Put on Chuck Ragan!” For my part, I usually just threaten the radio with death.)

It has also resulted in slight alarm.

When I started paying attention to some of the abundant lyrics about the dating scene, I wondered just what the f— was going on. And then I realized: Exactly.

These songs toss around the word “love,” but it’s pretty clear that’s not what they’re looking for. And I wonder, if anyone really said these things to each other, could it ever possibly end well? Imagine, for instance, an enactment of Pitbull’s (and many, many friends’) “Give Me Everything”:

Man approaches woman he’s never seen before, considers her to be sexy, grabs her per song’s advice: “Hey. I want all of you tonight. Give me everything tonight. For all we know we might not get tomorrow. Let’s do it tonight.”

Woman reaches for pepper spray; man offers disclaimer: “Excuse me, but I might drink a little bit more than I should tonight, and I might take you home with me if I could tonight, and, baby, Imma make you feel so good tonight.”

Man repeats rationale/threat for good measure: “‘Cause we might not get tomorrow.”

Woman grows concerned that perhaps apocalypse is indeed approaching; considers offer: “I want you tonight;  I want you to stay.”

Man gets nervous, lays all his cards on the table: “I can make you feel right, baby. Can’t promise tomorrow, but I promise tonight.”

Woman goes home. Man kills his radio.

What’s the most ridiculous pick-up line you’ve ever heard? Tell me now. We might not get tomorrow.

  • http://mostlyquestions.wordpress.com Bernard Shuford

    I HATE that song. There’s a couple others on adult contemporary radio that my kids LOVE – Kesha, Brittney, etc. – that are ridiculously sexual in nature. I mean. Come on. There ARE other things to sing about. Like, good blog posts, or Twitter, or football games, or SOMETHING. Dang.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Yeah, the amount of trash to choose from is astounding. I need my CD player fixed!

  • http://mostlyquestions.wordpress.com Bernard Shuford

    I hate radio in general these days, to be honest. I still defend Christian radio even though I hate how it’s funded and some of the music is wonky, but at least I can listen to it without feeling like I’m being raped in the shower.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      *snort!* I can’t say much for “Christian” radio, either. Bad in a whole other way.

  • http://thepleatedpolkadot.blogspot.com melissa @ the pleated polka dot

    i hate that song with a passion. it’s ridiculous what is pouring into young minds out there. glad i’m not alone here.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I had a whole list of song lyrics to complain about, but I figured we didn’t want to be here all day. This song was an excellent representative sample. 🙂

  • http://whoivealwaysbeen.blogspot.com Carolyn

    Tamara, you make so glad that I don’t listen to the radio. If it isn’t in my old collection or I don’t get a recommendation from a friend, I don’t listen, mostly.

    Worst pick-up line… hmmm… I think it was when Bernard told me that he was not filled with the devil. Wait, sorry. He wasn’t trying to pick me up. He was ranting while I was ranting. It is just that I have heard so few pick up lines that I get easily confused. 😉

    I knew a man – not going to go so far as to say we are friends – that used to walk into a bar and shout, “Bend over and grab your ankles, honey. I think I’m in love.” I don’t recall him taking home many women. Maybe they just weren’t limber enough or something.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Now THAT is a ridiculous pickup line!

  • http://mostlybloodandbonesandpain.wordpress.com Chukkas Blowsier

    Hahaha! Yeah, modern ‘music’ sucks.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I appreciate the quotation marks. 🙂

  • http://www.alise-write.com Alise

    Because we try to sing current songs in our band, I am forced to listen to the radio (or the Pandora top 40 channel) and while there are some fun things out there, it’s mostly awful. And terribly catchy. (In that I saw your tweet come across my phone this morning and have been singing this damn song for the past 20 minutes.)

    Anyway, the song that makes me most stabby right now is “She Ain’t You” by Chris Brown. So, I’m totally going to continue to cheat on you, but I’m going to think about you when I sex it up with her. Women everywhere should line up to kick him in the tenders after that song.

    Females? Last Friday Night: TGIF by Katy Perry with her glorifying date rape song. No, no, no. Do NOT do it all again honey. Please.

    And this is why, when I’m not trying to find music to play for the band, I listen to NPR.

    • http://messiahmom.wordpress.com kristinherdy

      I was horrified that my 3 year old was singing Last Friday Night – the “kissed but I forgot” part pales in comparison to “had a menage a trois.”


      • http://www.alise-write.com Alise

        Every line of that song is worse than the last. Stranger in my bed? Hickie or a bruise? These aren’t safe things.

    • http://randomlychad.com Chad Jones

      Speaking of Katy Perry, it was just entirely so much fun when I had to explain the innuendo in her song, E.T., to my 13 year-old! NOT!!!! I’m not even sure where he heard it, because we’re very choosy about what he listens to.

      • http://www.alise-write.com Alise

        I admit, I’m not super choosy about what the kids listen to, but we have lots and lots of discussions about why some stuff is fun to sing (and dammit, Katy Perry IS fun to sing), but the message is really not okay. Wanna be a victim = never okay.

        But mostly my kids ask to listen to Mumford or TMBG or Jonathan Coulton, and while they may be inappropriate in other ways, at least the message isn’t, “Your value is entirely tied up in how well you screw.”

        • http://randomlychad.com Chad Jones

          Funny story about Mumford: because I wanted him to listen to more than just TobyMac and Kutless (nothing wrong with those two), I put Sigh No More on his iPod–including Little Lion Man! So we had us a nice little chat about a certain word, and how there are better ways to express oneself.

          • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

            I don’t let my kids sing that line, but I think it’s perfect in the song. But then you know how I like the F word. 😉

          • http://randomlychad.com Chad Jones

            Yeah, as adults we get the context–why Marcus feels like an “F-up,” but all my kid hears is the granddaddy of all swears (like 16 times in that song).

            Truthfully, I grew up with that language; in fact, at about the age of 5 I told an aunt that my name was Chad “M-Fer” Jones. I think because of my very liberal, permissive upbringing, I’ve made a conscious decision to be different from that. But I don’t begrudge anyone their right to use language as they see fit. Love God, and do as you will.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Oh, don’t even get me started on Katy Perry. Ridiculous.

  • http://mostlyquestions.wordpress.com Bernard Shuford

    NPR? Holy cow. 🙂

  • http://deuceology.wordpress.com LarryTheDeuce

    I thought that was how every man found his significant other.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Is that how you proposed, Larry? Aw!

  • http://gravatar.com/nonstepmom Nonstepmom

    I will not burden you with my list of inappropriate songs that make me go running to switch the station, but we also try to avoid radio ! I download from itunes, there are a few OK songs from most artists, so we search them out & stick to that. But it’s so hard to have to explain why we are not going to just buy the Lady Gaga CD because there are only 2 songs on it they are allowed to hear!

    • http://mostlyquestions.wordpress.com Bernard Shuford

      The “new” Jeep has a CD changer, and hopefully this fact will help avoid some of this radio crap.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Yes! In fact, I might just forget fixing the stupid CD player and get an input for my iPod instead.

      • http://randomlychad.com Chad Jones

        Exactly what I did. Best $30 I ever spent.

  • http://gravatar.com/jacquelineramsey Jacquie

    While I agree with you about the lyrics, it’s such a great dance tune that it gets me moving. A shame really!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Oh I know– so catchy! That’s the trick with so many of these songs.

  • http://wobsy.wordpress.com wobsy

    Interesting point: thanks for posting.
    I think a song that told the tale of three months of gently getting to know one-another before considering the sex thing might be: 1 too long, 2 boring, 3 probably closer to the truth than folk want to admit to.
    I don’t know the song you refer to but I wonder if you are maybe dissing someone’s fantasy?

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Well yeah, we don’t need an epic tale set to song. But so much of the non-radio music I listen to tells snippets of good stories. I just want my music back! 🙂

  • http://conchsaladesque.wordpress.com lovelylici1986

    Ahahahaha. I looove that song. It DOES cross my mind that a lot of song lyrics these days are outlandish/foolish, but man… They’re so CATCHY. And then I imagine myself in a club, and having that conversation you CLEARLY overheard… And feeling super sexy. And desirable to all of the men in the house. Yeah. I’m that girl. *puts hands up and dances to Pitbull’s music*

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      They’re very catchy! But I bet you have what it takes to feel super sexy without some guy suggesting a one-night stand as his best offer. 🙂

      • http://conchsaladesque.wordpress.com lovelylici1986

        *thinks really hard*
        I guessssss. Lol

  • http://up2randomthoughts.wordpress.com Phil

    Pick-up lines? You mean folks are supposed to have a witty pick-up line? Huh – no wonder I don’t get any action. Imma hafta find me one of them pick-up lines – got any more songs I can listen to? 🙂

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Oh, it’s easy– just grab somebody sexy, tell ’em “hey!” 😉

  • Anonymous

    I hate to say it, but this Pitbull video and song is mild compared to others. I was folding laundry last night and turned to classic VH1 – they were counting down the Top 100 songs from 2000-2010. So much of it looked like porn that I had to turn it off! I saw more G-strings in a 5 minute video than I would browsing Victoria’s Secret.

    And according to Katy Perry, getting super drunk, waking up with a stranger, having a 3-way, and forgetting half of what happened to you is SO much fun that she wants to do it all again. Say what, Katy? Come again? I think you’ve lost your frippin’ mind!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Oh lord– with songs this bad, I don’t even want to venture into the videos!

  • http://messiahmom.wordpress.com kristinherdy

    the last pickup line I encountered was something like “follow someone sexy ’round the grocery store, tell em ‘hey’ this isn’t as creepy as it looks, today… can I squeeze your canteloupe, tonight? why are you running down the next aisle… hey!”

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Hahahaha! Nice!

  • http://losingself.wordpress.com Tracy

    hahaha i actually like that song.. wouldn’t work in real life but… hey!
    Loved the post

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      It’d be funny to see someone try, though. 😀

  • http://asoulswalk.wordpress.com asoulwalker

    So one of my favourite things on youtube is listening to glozelle make fun of hip-hop songs… it always makes my day.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I’m gonna have to look into this!

  • http://www.larryhehn.com Larry Hehn

    Many years ago I remember a beer commercial where a guy walked up to a lady and asked, “What’s your sign?”
    Her reply, “Exit.”

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara


  • Marianne

    Reminds me of Grease 2 where the guy takes the girl to the bomb shelter and tells her they have to do it for their country

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      *snort!* Also reminds me of the part in The Invention of Lying where the guy passes the girl on the street and tells her the world is ending tomorrow so they better have sex. And it works.

  • http://www.christopherames.com christopherames

    Pickup line overheard at youth group: “the Bible says to greet each other with a Holy Kiss!”

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara


  • http://procrastinatingdevilsworkshop.wordpress.com triptisharma2012

    i love your imagination… and i just couldn’t stop laughing for a long time after i read this one…!!!

    even though its a bad song full of all bad pick up lines possible… and is a trashy one at that… i still like the beats…

    and btw thanks, you made me realize and think… nah… contemplate about the trashiness in it…!!!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I’m here to help. 😀

  • http://reconcilingviewpoints.wordpress.com reconciling viewpoints

    Saw that video once before and it just ticked me off watching it. Are guys that arrogant and cocky and do girls really go for that? Makes me think that “stupid is who stupid does.”

    I was never a pickup line kind of guy. I was in an engineering/science frat back in college (explains a lot,right?) and a few of the guys were so notoriously bad at picking up girls that they called themselves the “Flying Brick Squadron”. To be part of the “FBS”, you had to admit that you were the kind of guy where if you’d walk up and say something (aka — ‘throwing a brick’), and the girls would turn around and walk away.

    In the end, those guys must of done something right — once they found someone, they stayed married, and all 4 I’m thinking of have been married over 20 years.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I’m thinking it’s not the guys with the smoothest pickup lines who end up happily married. Love the idea of the FBS!

  • christian

    You know what happened when my cd player broke (previous two cars)? I replaced the car. It.is.that.crucial. #radiosux

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      You understand my personal hell.

  • http://caffybaby.wordpress.com kitkatlikereflexes

    Haha! I just read an article similar to this on Yahoo the other day- basically about how “unsexy” some songs about sex are.
    Today’s music is a bit ridiculous and embarrassing.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      It’s very embarrassing, especially if you have kids in the car!

  • http://rasjacobson.com Renee Schuls-Jacobson

    Yes, I enjoyed having to explain S&M to my 12 year old son. Thank you, Rhiana.

    Putting on my teacher hat, I have my students take songs and deconstruct them for meaning. I won’t bore you with criteria, but one of my rules is that there have to be 100 different words (chorus only counts once) and it can’t just be about sex. It is amazing to me how many students first pick a song like this because it is “great to dance to.” That is how insidious this music is. Our kids sing lyrics they don’t think about. And when they do, they realize they are pure fluff.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      What, you don’t want him to know why whips and chains excite her? Gosh.

      Also, I think you’re one of the coolest teachers ever. 🙂

  • http://fitnessgetzeasy.wordpress.com Fitness Getz Easy

    I am so guilty of letting my kids listen to this music. It is easy to underestimate the complete inappropriateness of the lyrics until they come out of a seven year old’s mouth. LOL!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Sometimes you don’t even realize what they’re saying til you read the lyrics– sneaky!

      • http://reconcilingviewpoints.wordpress.com reconciling viewpoints

        Of course, there were never inappropriate lyrics in the old rock & roll. The Rolling Stones sang about “Brown Sugar” because they liked cookies and muffins, right?

        • http://mostlyquestions.wordpress.com Bernard Shuford

          The access was different. Headphones were an oddity and earbuds were unheard of. Buying an album was a big deal, and radio stations were more conservative in general. It’s a different world, and the songs are much less “suggestive” and much more “obviously provocative.”

  • http://whoivealwaysbeen.blogspot.com Carolyn

    This discussion jogged a memory for me. Brian “Head” Welch, formerly a guitarist for the band Korn, got clean from drugs partially because he heard his 5-year-old daughter singing one Korn’s songs. I think it was “All day I dream about sex”. That caught his attetion enough to make him think something had to change. Interesting that it was a song about sex that ended up turning him around.

    • http://mostlyquestions.wordpress.com Bernard Shuford

      I need to read that book.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Wow. And I thought *I’ve* felt awkward when my kids have heard inappropriate lyrics. I can’t even imagine!

  • George Black

    Agree totally with the trash subliminal message in todays music (if you can truly call it music).

    Best line. “your going to be the mother of my children” I used this opener on my soulmate. We have been married over 20 yrs with 2 beautiful sons. Gods heart flows freely through us.
    Thanks Tamera for all your posts. You are truly gifted.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Well I guess that’s one line that works! Congrats on 20+ years– fantastic!

  • http://gravatar.com/charlesem charlesem

    Worst pickup line? “You have a beautiful EVERYTHING.” Slurred salaciously, mind you. I’m sure he was talking about my eyes though…

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Well, he said “everything,” so I bet he meant your mind! 🙂

  • Kara

    Hmmm… I listen to XM radio and if not that then NPR. Try to stay FAR away from commercial radio, although I admit I do love the Katy Perry “Fireworks” song. But then, that’s the only song of hers I have listened to from start to finish.
    My worst pickup line–“hey baby, I could rock you like a hurricane.”
    I only wish I could have made this up.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Ugh, that’s a terrible line!

  • http://reconcilingviewpoints.wordpress.com reconciling viewpoints

    A good friend of ours actually introduced himself by saying “Will you marry me?” to a girl at youth group, no less. She sarcastically said “Yes, of course!” and they disliked each other/fought about stuff (working with church drama group) for a number of years…. Of course, now they are married with a daughter…..

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Well, that’s direct. And apparently effective.

  • http://thebittersweetmusings.wordpress.com thebittersweetmusings

    Worst pickup line: “You say you’re searching for somebody that will take you out and do you right. Well, come here baby and let daddy show you what it feels like. You know all you gotta do is tell me what you’re sipping on. And I promise that I’m gonna keep it coming all night long.”

    Or maybe that’s another fantastic song that objectifies women. I can’t remember.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Oh, ew. I hate sexual “daddy” references– so wrong.

  • http://dirtwithbreath.wordpress.com dirtwithbreath

    Yeah I haven’t listened to radio for years…looks like I made the right choice.
    This crap’s not only pathetic, it’s a lie – one which young people are being fed on.

    Also, what’s with that dude’s obsession with Kodak?

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Haha, I love how he rhymes “Kodak” with itself– now that’s some clever songwriting. *snort!*

  • Sarah H.

    I guess now I know why I just listen to my 80s-early 90s mix almost all the time. The fact that I heard my 4-year old singing “Still feels like our first night together..(mumble mumble)…please forgive me…” is pretty light fare among the horrors I have now learned about via this post and comments! If I’m stuck with radio, it’s the lite station with its more subtle messages of pathetic female neediness.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Oh, we’re going to have such fun at karaoke night with our old school tunes!

  • http://jessicaminghinelli.wordpress.com jessica minghinelli

    I am so happy to have just read this post. There have been moments when I was thinking to myself if I am the only person that finds some some of these songs so offensive. I find the young ‘ladies’ (well, ladies…) worse… maybe this language sounds so much worse in a girl’s mouth. What is is even worse is that, if you are listening to the radio you’ll notice that certain words are beeped (‘sex’ for instance). But then they can go on saying things like ‘let’s get a little wet.. I like the way you’re working me out’, or ‘I’ma lick ya lick ya down’ or ‘Come here rude boy, can you get it up? come here rude boy, is you big enough?’. All this is on air at any time of the day and of the night.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      I’m pretty sure my eyes bugged right out of my head the first time I heard Rude Boy. Yowza!

  • http://gravatar.com/hopefulleigh hopefulleigh

    And this is why I love you! But seriously, you need to find a good indie radio station. I have a CD player but I like to mix the radio in for short car rides. The indie and hard rock stations here are my saving grace!

    The worst pick up line I remember receiving happened back in college at a bar. A guy, who was at least 10 years older than me, shook my hand and said: “your hand is cold but I’m sure your heart is warm.” Sadly, he and his Hawaiian shirt are probably still wondering if my heart was warm or not.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Aw, poor Hawaiian shirt guy! Hahaha!

  • http://aletalane.wordpress.com aletalane

    Wow, this makes me so glad that I don’t listen to “popular” music these days….the only reason I know about the pitbull song is because of the zumba class I joined. I looked it up online because it IS catchy, and fun to dance to, and then I saw the video and I just about puked. SERIOUSLY?!? These people better not be reproducing…Our society’s version of sexy is seriously reversed. There is no crime in being sexy and full of life and vibrancy, but when you say that it’s ok to exploit your extremely precious body in a way that says that you don’t respect yourself, I feel so sad. We have far to come as a society.

    • http://tamaraoutloud.com/ Tamara

      Zumba is the first place I heard this song too, and when you’re busy dancing like that, you don’t even notice the lyrics. Sneaky!

  • http://www.haleykc.blogspot.com haleykc

    Ugh…I kind of feel like I need to take a shower after watching that video. I heard this on the radio the other day and had a similar reaction.

  • http://carsonscorner.wordpress.com D. E. Carson

    I won’t repeat here the most obnoxious like I’ve ever heard (it involved sex-centered euphemisms and I won’t speak that way in front of a lady), but I will say that I hold out NO hope for the music industry anymore. All they want is to separate you from your money and shove their agenda into your face. The auditory abuse coming from the radio these days is enough to make anyone engage in an involuntary protein spill. Our society has degenerated into a cesspool of garbage that I doubt we’ll ever get out of.

  • bethsciallo

    My mother gave me the best “rule” when it came to music – listen to EVERY word before you let it in/sing it/buy it. Sometimes that rule drove me crazy because I could never just “hang out” with the radio. But I am so thankful for it now! Years of crap I did not drink because of that advice. So now that’s the rule with my 5 kids, and they let me know when to turn the dial. And just for the record, these people who have amazing “catchy” tunes COULD IQ it up and make amazing lyrics to go along with the beat. So why don’t they?????

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