Tamára Lunardo

Author & Editor



September 2010



Hell of a Day

Written by , Posted in humor, life, Uncategorized

The cashier asked me how my day had been and I lied, “Good,” right to his face.

I’m sure he gets it all the time. No one wants to say, “Well actually, since you asked, one of my kids has been struggling with her Reactive Airway Disease today, so I’ve pretty much had all 23 pounds of her lumped on my hip while I’ve tried failingly to chase after and assist her exuberant twin with her myriad toddler activities.”

“I’ve loaded, unloaded, reloaded, and re-unloaded them in their carseats fully five times today so that I can drive to appointments, schools, activities, and errands in a minivan that, despite having twice been in the shop to ‘check engine,’ persists in blaring a ‘check engine light’ and that rattles with poor alignment at every slowing because I don’t have the luxury of time to hand it over to mechanics who take endless hours to do a shoddy job of realigning it, forcing me to return every few months until my emergency savings are wholly wrung out.”

“I’ve battled a hell beast wearing the visage of my eight-year-old daughter, who selected a perfectly acceptable gift for her friend’s birthday and then promptly felt overwhelmed with buyer’s remorse. I have retrieved the gift from the soggy grass and wiped it off only to have the hell beast rip off the manufacturer’s tags and throw it once again, this time on the dirt-and-leaf-strewn walkway, so that it now appears we are the sort of people who consider it good form to rummage garage sales to find gifts for our friends.”

“With twin toddlers tripping me in my own kitchen with their obstacle course of board books, fake food, and sippy cups– and one still whining with malaise– I have baked from scratch my Thousand Dollar Sugar Cookies so that I can break away from my normal daily madness to spend two desperately coveted hours with the ladies of my church at this year’s only coffee house evening. But somehow, if you can imagine, the day has gotten away from me, and I have been late to get dinner going, so my evening plans have been irretrievably fucked.”

“Which brings me to the grocery store an hour and a half before closing, my shirt and pants dusted with flour and spackled with snot, to buy this lone bottle of wine and the obligatory fruit for the children who have necessitated it.”

And as he ran the bottle across the scanner, he said to me in all seriousness, “Can I please see your I.D.?”

Incredulity came out as laughter and I asked him whether he had really just asked me for my license. I handed it over and he did some quick math, then he looked back at me and uttered a genuine, “Wow.”

And with that one syllable, my lie was transformed into truth. Whatever else happened, not looking 30 made for a hell of a good day.

  • http://casspaz.wordpress.com casspaz

    hahaha, I like how this all unfolded! Thanks for a great post and here’s hoping your days continue to be better than “good”

  • http://hipposshouldruletheworld.blogspot.com/ Jessica

    Hell Beast! Ha! I’m glad I’m not the only one that has referred to her child as a hell beast. What about demon spawn?….that may be my personal fav. 😉

  • http://ourhouseofe.blogspot.com Darcy

    I love that one word from a stranger made your day!

    • http://tamaraoutloud.wordpress.com Tamara

      Isn’t it funny how big a difference something so small can make? Our words matter– sometimes more than we know. 🙂

  • Raine

    Haven’t we all been there! Yet, you phrase it so well!

  • http://www.lucaslagoons.com Barbara Luehring

    well said! and yes we have all been there.

  • Mom

    hahaha! lmao!

  • http://www.hollowayclan.blogspot.com Becky


  • http://astrangerinthisland.blogspot.com Mariposa

    That’s awesome! 🙂

  • jenny

    First, this was hilarious.
    Second, I love that you know how to use the word myriad properly in a sentence.
    Third, I love that you used the work malaise.
    Fourth, your comment, “our words matter—sometimes more than we know” struck me deep for reasons unknown to me at this time.
    Fifth, this post made my day.

  • jenny

    I also love it that your mother said she was laughing her ass off. I love your mother.

  • Concetta

    It is so nice to not feel alone in my dealing with so many little issues that add up to a big, crappy week. Last week was the worst week I had had in over 5 years (possibly closer to 7) and it sounds much like your chaos. And I agree, it is simply amazing how a couple words from someone can turn all of that around! Hugs!

  • http://google Dawn

    That strangely personal question “How are you today?” can be given a different answer on bad days- “I’m alive.” And I smile. Sometimes I blurt out the truth, but that holds up the check-out line forming behind me, ha ha. And it is a bummer for the cashier to hear the bad stuff. My friend just says “ok” and sighs. On happy days, I proclaim, “GREAT!” I always ask cashiers how they are as well. That politeness works wonders with bill collectors, too.

  • Sarah H

    Love it! The loading, unloading, reloading, and re-unloading of carseats is such a familiar feeling 🙂

  • leah warren

    laughing out loud, thank you for that 🙂

  • http://babybloomr.com/ Babybloomr

    Here in TN, (NOT in Florida– I’m not taking a single thing away from your experience!) apparently at some stores if you are still ambulatory and have a pulse they have to check your ID when you buy wine. However, knowing that, I still walk out of the liquor store with a little bit more of a swagger than I walked in with– being fully convinced in some part of my peri-menopausal brain that the ONLY reason I just got carded is that this 54 year old blonde with the slightly graying, needs-to-be-touched-up roots and the age-inappropriate skinny jeans just totally fooled that 25 year old clerk into thinking I am 21.
    Works for me.

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