Tamára Lunardo

Author & Editor



April 2015



Here Come the Brides! Let Us Eat Cake

Written by , Posted in faith, life

The “Here Come the Brides!” series follows my adventures with Casey to the aisle. Here’s what’s happened so far:

How We Met                                                                        How My Wedding Ring Found Me

How We Knew & What We Do                                     How We Found a Minister to Gay-Christian Marry Us

The Engagement, Part 1                                             How My Devout Christian Mom Feels About Having a Gay Kid

The Engagement, Part 2                                            How My Devout Christian Mom Feels About My Lesbian Wedding

                                                                                             The Awkward Thing No One Wants to Talk About

Today’s post is about stop being mean and just let us eat a GD cake.

Cake by Sarah. Birthday by Liana. Jealous by me.

Cake by Sarah. Birthday by Liana. Jealous by me.

If you’ve been awake in the United States at all over the course of the last few weeks, you know Gays-and-Cakes is a major issue. It has become the sword upon which the faithful (to what, I’m not certain) fall, the paramount political issue, the neon sign screaming what we already know they believe: “You are less than.”

But damn. Casey and I just want to serve some amazing dessert at the most important party we’ll ever throw. We aren’t issues; we’re brides. We’re people.

And to be honest, it would really hurt my feelings if I came into your bakery, a bride giddy to pick out her wedding cake, and you said I didn’t deserve to have one. I can assure you I wouldn’t have a change of heart and ditch the person I’ve promised to spend my life with, so moved by your bold witness. I would just feel hurt, and I would think you were pretty mean. And to be honest, I would wonder if the god you were witnessing for was as mean as you.

When I went to the jeweler to have Casey’s engagement ring made, I was so excited—it was the first big step in this thrilling journey to the aisle. If the jeweler had turned me away because of who I am investing my life in, I would have been crushed. Not just because I couldn’t employ his incredible skills, which I so admire and appreciate, to create this special ring, but because it would have demeaned me as a person. I would have walked away embarrassed, sad, and terribly hurt. I’m so thankful he was delighted to use his gifting to serve me and took exceptional care with his craft. Casey went back to him to design my amazing engagement ring, and I’ve visited him several times since. To this day, we don’t know his particular theology; we only know that he is particularly kind.

But, unlike opposite-sex couples, Casey and I don’t have the luxury of expecting this sort of friendly service everywhere. So when we thought about which other vendors we’d use for our wedding, it was with a trepidation that I had never even conceived of when I was searching for the same services a lifetime ago in my opposite-sex engagement. Can you imagine feeling nervous to walk into a flower shop or a bakery—the loveliest and most comforting of places—because you know that there’s a good chance you will be treated rudely or even kicked out? Let me tell you, it tempers the excitement of your engagement; it sometimes even replaces it with fear.

But, in the same way I was struck with inspiration about who to ask to gay-Christian marry us, I immediately got a dream cake-baker in mind. Sarah was on indefinite hiatus from her baking business because it had become too successful for her to keep up with while keeping up with two small sons. But she and her husband, Zach, had been by my side through the roughest times of my crumbling previous marriage. They’d been there to help save it, and when it became clear that wasn’t the answer, they stayed there to help save me instead.

Their faith in God didn’t demand they hold their ideas of marriage sacrosanct; it allowed them to value my humanity above a human institution. And when I came out to them, they called it cause for celebration because they knew it meant I’d found my lost self.  Who could be better to craft the crowning taste of celebration at the party for my new life with Casey? So I asked, and Sarah said yes, she would bake again, for us.

So we sat at their dining table one evening, sipping cocktails they’d created together. We snacked on good cheese and chocolates while they ooh’d and aah’d at our engagement photos—Sarah loved my oxford heels; Zach loved Casey’s wingtips. We celebrated what is, four friends gathered at a fabulous mid-century table, and we dreamed up what is to come, with a table of desserts to delight our wedding guests. And the centerpiece—their perfect gift to us—will be a cake, 11 Southern layers high, witness.


Stay tuned for more of our journey in the “Here Come the Brides!” series…

  • Casey

    I love this post. I love it on so many levels. Us, wedding, friends, love and CAKE. Awesome, multi-layered, when can we sample it?, CAKE!

    • TamaraOutLoud

      Everything those two make is magic. I can’t wait! OMG ALSO WE ARE GETTING MARRIED IN 6 MONTHS!

  • Julie

    Beautiful! I am so happy that you have such dear and loving friends who value and honor you. Now THAT’s real Christian witness of the best sort.

    • TamaraOutLoud

      They are Christians of the best and realest kind. And their baking is gone-to-heaven good!

  • Veronica

    It was a definite fear of ours when we ordered our cake. The bakery we chose was wonderful and shared in our excitement. Our first ceremony, before marriage equality came to Colorado, was a Civil Union and only included us and our daughter. We wanted the wedding to be about us, since the marriage will be about us. If we invited both families, then the day would end up being all about her family. It was the right choice for us. Our actual, legal, bona-fide wedding last year included my mother’s presence. It was beautiful. Again.

    • TamaraOutLoud

      I hate that you guys were scared. How effed up is that? Scared of asking to buy a cake, of all things. But I am so happy you had a great experience with your baker, and your civil union, and – YAY – your wedding!

  • Jo Malone

    Love your description of how your friends not only accepted, but celebrated your coming out. What a testimony of true faith. Can I get a slice of that cake? Not sure it would be at its best after travelling half-way round the world 🙂

    • TamaraOutLoud

      Yes– celebrate, not just accept. There’s such a huge difference. And I think only one of those reflects how God really feels about us. 🙂

  • http://allmydeamsarejellybeans.blogspot.co.uk/ Hannah Out Loud

    Hi Tamara

    Yeah this whole thing sucks and its the hypocrisy of targeting one particular “sin” -as these chaps see it- which leads me to think it has nothing to do with religious devotion , but everything to do with latent prejudice against gays for being gays.

    Second , the idea that being “forced” to bake a cake for a gay couple is persecution is somewhat difficult to comprehend when the news tells me about the plight of Syrian and Iraqi Christians.

    Third the idea of refusing to serve some one on the basis of who and what they are goes against everything I believe in and historically my people have had that, it is sad that this occurs even today.

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