Random Crap I Learned While Trying Unsuccessfully to Be Good
I’m not sure what exactly Lent is supposed to feel like, but it felt to me like holding my breath for 40 days– and, somehow having survived, I am relieved to finally exhale.
At the onset of the season, I wrote about my high hopes for spiritual growth, but only about a week in it became clear that my monumental personal deficiencies were going to get in the way. So you’ll understand if the following is not the most sublimely spiritual synthesis; it’s more like Random Crap I Learned While Trying Unsuccessfully to Be Good.
1. I am unfaithful. I love the Avett Brothers’ line “I like to think that I’m a faithful man, but it may not be true” because that’s me, always teetering. I want to be one of the people who gets to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant” when I’m finally face to face with God, but I kind of get the feeling it’ll be more like, “Wow, you sure effed up a lot. Good thing I gotcha covered.”
For a long time, I seriously considered going to law school, and after this Loophole-Lenten season, I really think I could’ve cut it. For all the rules I set out for myself, I was terribly clever at finding ways around them or just outright breaking them. (So maybe not law school, then; maybe reform school.)
2. Searchbombing is highly addictive. I don’t like to blame other people for my failings (okay, in the spirit of full disclosure, Yes, I do), but my friends’ invention of the hilarious searchbombing game could not have been more ill timed. I was trying to limit my online chitchatting so that I could open up more conversations with God, and then these jokers had to go and create what is sure to go down in history as every blogger’s most delicious addiction. I should warn you not to click that link and get ensnared, but like I said, I’m bad at being good.
3. God is stubborn. Not that the season went so swimmingly for me in general, but there was one day where I was just sunk. And as I sobbed into folded hands, I heard my God say only one thing, but He said it so clearly: I will never forsake you. I know none of the crap I learned about myself came as any surprise to Him, and yet here He was, in the midst of it, telling me I couldn’t scare Him off no matter how hard I tried.
And I guess as far as Lenten lessons go, it doesn’t get much better than that.
Did you learn anything this Lent? Have you participated in any searchbombing? And if you have, fess up– which ones have you dropped on me?