Tamara Out Loud

parenthood Archive

Thursday

9

February 2012

89

COMMENTS

Watering Weeds into Flowers

Written by , Posted in life

It was a day-after-day kind of day. Another day at home, twin three-year-olds whining at me, wearing on me, pulling on me and my threadbare patience. I read all about the French parents and their supremely well-behaved offspring that the entire Internet was going ga-ga over, and I was 12-years tired of my whole stay-at-home gig, and these people amazed and inspired and pissed me off, and I tried to reproduce their authoritative tone, but I guess I lacked a certain je ne sais quoi because my smallest children kept acting like total merde. “I hate staying at home,” I […]

Monday

7

November 2011

28

COMMENTS

Don’t Say Anything If __

Written by , Posted in humor, life

Whether owing to some seasonal allergy or to the change in weather, it was clear that my sinuses had bested me. By midday Saturday my voice was rapidly wearing out; by early evening it was nearly gone. Lost most of my voice; am clicking at people to get their attention. Realizing I wouldn't make a cute bushman. — Tamára Lunardo (@tamaraoutloud) November 5, 2011 And while it’s never convenient for a mother to lose her voice, in this instance the threat was particularly untimely: I was supposed to help lead the singing in our church service the next morning. So […]

Monday

8

August 2011

64

COMMENTS

Tattoos Are Like Kids– Trust Me, I Have a Few

Written by , Posted in humor, life, Uncategorized

Having a total of eight tattoos and children combined (with plans for several more of the former and absolutely no more of the latter), I’ve picked up on some compelling similarities. On Deciding To Go For It: It can be hard to decide whether or not to go for your first one. Particularly if you’re a woman, you may consider the fact that your body will never look the same again. You may be tempted to go for it if a lot of your friends have them. This is not a good reason to do it. You may be scared […]

Thursday

4

August 2011

52

COMMENTS

Freakin’ ‘Tarians: 30 Days of Vegetarianism Continues

Written by , Posted in humor, life, Uncategorized

Bryan and I are now on our 12th of 30 days of vegetarianism, and things are mostly going swimmingly,  with only the occasional flailing of willpower. For him, the biggest temptation has been the fried chicken he’s so often confronted with (north-central Florida is very much the South); for me, it’s not so much been the bacon as it’s been the seafood (Florida is very much a peninsula). But really, the biggest obstacle hasn’t been the mild temptations or even the dining out– it’s the kids. Our 12-year-old son is a real meat-and-potatoes guy. When he was in preschool, he […]

Monday

4

April 2011

24

COMMENTS

Spring Break Match-Up

Written by , Posted in humor, life, Uncategorized

Spring Break: College Years Spring Break: Parenting Years Wrangle a hot, sweaty guy to help you apply your sunscreen. Wrangle a hot, sandy child who refuses your help with sunscreen. Wet t-shirt contest: No real losers, plenty potential regrets. Wet diaper contest: No real winners, plenty potential rematches. Eat junk all week; feel instantly fat, have no actual fat to show for it. Eat junk all week; feel instantly fat, have copious fat to show for it.    Get a new tattoo; your mom is mortified. Get a new tattoo; your tween is mortified. Return home too hungover to remember […]

Monday

25

October 2010

13

COMMENTS

We Sing Hope

Written by , Posted in faith, life, Uncategorized

I spoke with a couple of my friends at church yesterday, one who lost her mother and another who lost her pregnancy. I don’t know either of these pains, so I’m reluctant to try to touch them with clumsy hands. But I love these friends, and so I want to get close, even if I don’t know what to do when I get there. It’s been a few months since L. lost her mother, and it wasn’t at the forefront of my mind when I saw her. So I asked the casual, “How are you?”, not thinking. But L. is […]

Wednesday

20

October 2010

14

COMMENTS

My Purple Shirt Will Change the World

Written by , Posted in faith, life, Uncategorized

I’m going to change the world today. My plan is simple: I am going to wear a purple shirt. It will not have a catchy slogan or a sharp logo, but it will carry a message all the same. It will say to anyone who sees me, “I care.” Wednesday, October 20 has been designated Purple Shirt Day or Spirit Day (so named for the meaning of purple in the LGBT rainbow symbol) to speak out against anti-LGBT bullying, in response to the six recent suicides of young people who were bullied and harassed for being, or for being thought […]

Friday

24

September 2010

22

COMMENTS

Hell of a Day

Written by , Posted in humor, life, Uncategorized

The cashier asked me how my day had been and I lied, “Good,” right to his face. I’m sure he gets it all the time. No one wants to say, “Well actually, since you asked, one of my kids has been struggling with her Reactive Airway Disease today, so I’ve pretty much had all 23 pounds of her lumped on my hip while I’ve tried failingly to chase after and assist her exuberant twin with her myriad toddler activities.” “I’ve loaded, unloaded, reloaded, and re-unloaded them in their carseats fully five times today so that I can drive to appointments, […]

Monday

30

August 2010

20

COMMENTS

Now Serving B*tches and *ssholes

Written by , Posted in humor, life, Uncategorized

I can’t say it any better than Anne Lamott:  “Toddlers can make you feel as if you have violated some archaic law in their personal Koran and you should die, infidel.” When you have twin toddlers, this is an especially frightening phenomenon. One furious small person is a struggle; a matching set of them is Game Over. My twins tend to work in sync, and most of the time this is ridiculously adorable. They nestle together with a baby bible between them, they move magnets on the fridge in graceful choreography, they coordinate their imaginary culinary efforts with a simple […]

Monday

28

June 2010

3

COMMENTS

Fraudulent Me

Written by , Posted in faith, humor, Uncategorized, writing

Sometimes I think it’s just a matter of time before everyone realizes I’m a total fraud. I know I have a good show going on where I look like a decent mom, a semi-intelligent writer, and at least a passable Christian, but I live in fear that one day someone is going to see the real, fake me. It’ll be like when I figured out the Tooth Fairy was a sham and all at once Santa and the Easter Bunny came crashing down with her. The fallout was ugly. So let’s just nip it in the bud, shall we? I […]