Tamára Lunardo

Author & Editor



February 2016



Why I Want You to Call Her My Wife

Written by , Posted in life

Casey and I tied the knot on October 17! In case you missed it, the “Here Come the Brides” series followed our adventures to the aisle.

Today’s post is about why I call the woman I am married to my wife — and why you should too.

Four months married, and I called her my wife — clearly and proudly — to the man behind the counter. But I guess he wouldn’t hear me. When it was his turn to name the woman I have pledged my life’s loyalty and love to, he stumbled for the words.

After a beat, just enough time to let the discomfort squirm across his face, he fetched a try — “significant other.” And she is this; he’s not wrong. She is a significant other person in my life, one for whom I am somehow able to make room beside — even before — my own self. But that phrase fails in its unspecificity; my children are most assuredly significant others of mine too.

The person I have married is significant, yes, but she is other — set apart from all else. The truest phrase for this woman is “my wife.” The person whom I take with eyes wide open, without demand for alteration. Mine. The woman who has so taken me. Wife.

And I know all this is new in our societal lexicon; I can forgive a failed effort made in awkward earnest. But we have a certificate stamped by the state, and we have a blessing bestowed by a saint. So I will ask you not to misspeak.

If you feel the discomfort creep up to your face, let it come — my wife says discomfort is how we grow. But, please, remember to let it go. Try to hear past it, and try to listen. Because when I use words, I use them with care. She is my significant other, my partner, my lover, my friend. And I call her the sum of all this: My wife.

Credit: Sarah & Ben (sarahben.com)

Photo Credits: Sarah & Ben (sarahben.com)

  • http://havemyword.wordpress.com Shae Bloem

    This is absolutely beautiful. And perfect. And wow. And how simple a four letter word is, yet so strong to carry so much weight. Thank you.

    • http://tamaralunardo.com/ Tamára Lunardo

      Thanks, Shae. We were just asked yesterday if being married felt any different, and I know the usual response to that is “nope!” but it is a little different. Wife. Married. Legal. Blessed. These things mean so much, and they haven’t changed our relationship to each other (so in that sense I’d echo the “nope!”), but what’s so important is they change our relationship to others. There’s a legitimacy, a respect, an acknowledgement outsiders attach to a couple’s marriage, and I think that’s why it feels so shitty when it gets disregarded with a phrase like “significant other” that doesn’t tell the whole story.

  • http://KelseyMunger.com/ Kelsey L. Munger

    This is so beautiful. My husband and I have been married for two years, and I still get a trill when someone asks, “You’re Ian’s wife, aren’t you?” Wife. I still love the word so much. It means so much. It must be so hard to have people try to avoid such a beautiful word when it comes to your wife.

    • http://tamaralunardo.com/ Tamára Lunardo

      You know, I thought I might feel awkward using the word myself. After all, I had been a wife before, but I’d had a husband — having a wife seemed so… foreign. But it’s exactly right: the word, the relationship.Remembering that fear of the awkwardness helps me to have a little patience with those who experience it. But yeah, it’s a hard, sad feeling to hear someone deny the true and special word “wife.”

  • Jan Heath

    Tamara, so good to hear about you again! You and Casey are beautiful, and yes, she is your WIFE!

    • http://tamaralunardo.com/ Tamára Lunardo

      Thank you, Jan! Great to “see” you again.

  • Julie

    Well said, Tamara. Love this. Love you.

    • http://tamaralunardo.com/ Tamára Lunardo

      Thanks, Mum. We love you too!

  • Rae


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